shuffling down alameda.

it’s all like a silent movie because i dont know what anyone would say.
it’s like ive found something to take up my time while i wait and see how it all turns out.
it’s like im watching the in flight movie or watching whatever the hell is on tv in the waiting room.
what am i waiting for?

my god, doesnt anyone see it?
“sometimes the test directions will say to draw a line under the correct answer, or connect two items that go together.”

its the story with so many things.
it could all be so simple.
it’s a photo album waiting to be filled.
i play it out in my head all the time.
it’s like im pricking my finger on wolves teeth.
so i just keep it all in, wait yesenia.
in the meanwhile, the silent movie just freestyles
its way into my thoughts while im waiting for the bus.

and that’s what it’s come down to.

-xesleep.

if im the person you think i am,
clueless chump you seem to think i am..
so easily led astray, an errant dog who occasionally escapes and needs a shorter leash, then
why the FUCK would you want me back?

maybe it’s because…

you dont know me at all.

-happyesenia.

can we please?

-yeseniass.

i’ll make this quick…

dont flatter yourself.
im not in that imaginary line of ticket stub holding people you picture in your head that are waiting to get in your pants. firstly, youre a moron. i dont care how smart you think you are, your misuse of big words gives you away. second, your so called beauty is on thin ice. take away the hair and you’re fucking busted.

next!

you need to RELAX. no one broke your heart. you’re a spoiled twat who’s so bored that you blow things up to be the tragedies you’ve never had and then wait for people to feel bad for you. fact is, no one cares. the only attention you’ll get is from the retards who have you on their list of low targets to fuck. that’s what youre going to complain about next, right? about how people just want to fuck you?

and you.
you’re a moron. i wasnt born yesterday, even though you’re way closer to the date. nice cover up, btw. totally wasnt an obvious lie. there totally wasnt a progression of change every time you told the story. i thought you were super lame before this, and you certainly made it worse.

-(diary of a mad black)yesenia.

ps.
sorry, i have a horrible way of bottling things up sometimes. :/

i already know whats going to happen.
i can already see your friends becoming her enemies.
im awaiting the day that i have to hold her back from you.
i can already hear the exchange of fuck yous that are bound to be said.
i can already see you walking away, crying.
i can already see the look on your face when i run into you after it’s already gone down.
i already know that i wont know what to say.

this is how assholes are made.

-x.

hey guys, my name is yesenia concepcion.

as you all know, tomorrow there will be a court hearing on whether or not prop 8 is constitutional.
the argument that prop 8 supporters have is that they “have the majority, it cant be argued.” PROP 8 BARELY PASSED. THEY CANNOT IGNORE HALF OF THE STATE THAT VOTED NO!
(pause)
they claim that “the people have spoken”
WELL TONIGHT, WE ARE SPEAKING. WE WILL NOT SIT BACK AND LET A BUNCH OF MORMONS AND BIGOTS DECIDE OUR FATE.
(pause)
were not just doing this for california.

were doing it for all the gay people in texas, wyoming, west virginia, BFE nowhere, arizona, etc who are forced to stay in the closet or get beat up/harrassed daily.

when that gay kid in iowa sees us in the news, it gives him hope.

when that lesbian in tenessee reads about us in the newspaper, it gives her hope.

and then when that transgendered girl in minnesota sees that we beat this, she’ll start her own movement. and she’ll bring the community together. and then they’ll protest. and rally. and campaign, fight back. and you know what? THEY’LL BEAT IT TOO!
(pause)
in the words of harvey milk,
WE GOTTA GIVE ‘EM HOPE!

‘Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.’ -mlk
“Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to deny their humanity, their dignity and personhood. This sets the stage for further repression and violence that spread all too easily to victimize the next minority group.”
-coretta scott king

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.

-MLK

darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. ~ martin luther king

“it’s so hard to get a hold of you.”

it’s really freeing, you know. i could wake up and leave and no one would know where i was all day. it’s so like.. natural. thats a horrible word to use, sounds like hippies. but seriously. i could wake up early and go on a bike ride and no one would know where i was, it’d just be me and the filthy riverbed until sunset. it’s like, taking responsibility for yourself in a way. if something happened to you, you wouldnt be able to call anyone. you’re on your own.
i mean, isnt that how it used to be? before everyone had a cellphone. werent we just fine then?

“DUDE, where were you? you missed out on the BEST party.”
“FINALLY where have you been?”

i didnt miss out on the party, i had a beautiful day to myself.

-xes

ps.
i didnt like this post very much. too distracted.

it’s nice, you know. no one ever hates you. two of your friends could be fist fighting. and whichever you pull away, they’ll both still love you at the end of the night. you know why? cause you didnt date their ex. you didnt relay anything that was said. you didnt have an opinion, you dont even care. sometimes i feel like im there, but im totally not there. does that make any sense? the term “wallflower” puts it together perfectly. they call me up, i get invited. i show up. everyone hugs me, there isnt anyone i have to awkwardly avoid upon entrance. i dont have to ask if anyone in particular is going to be there before i decide to go. so then i sit around, make small talk, ignore the small comments being made amongst foes. then in the background, i start watching the snowball grow. then 15 minutes later, people are yelling, driving off, chasing, crying.

meanwhile there’s the wallflower, back against the wall, drink in hand. observing everything, only moving to let people pass as they go after the one who just slammed the door.

ive watched people make bad choices. throw themselves into something even when it doesnt seem right. im watching someone make a bad choice right now. it’s rebound, and it’s going to end awkwardly. i feel like i have no business telling her what to do though, im just a wallflower.

observing and overanalyzing. ive got it down to a fucking science.

“And I could see this boy doing his homework and thinking about my sister naked. And I could see them holding hands at football games that they do not watch. And I could see this boy throwing up in the bushes at a party house. And I could see my sister putting up with it.
And I felt very bad for both of them.” -stephen chbosky.

-yesi.

ps.
Meaning of Name:
Yesenia is a name that means “Flower.” The origin of this name is Arabic.

… melt into the sea eventually.

i thought that’d be a good quote to start a blog with. dont know it? it’s jimi hendrix. i didnt give him a chance until recently, it was a good decision too.

so this post will probably be boring. i mean, i just dont want to start something off with “BAM! here’s a sequence of events without backstories.” i’ll save that for my next post. lol. oh, and im not going to bitch about my problems, only share my observations.

summarizing thought for the past few months:

ive watched people around me create devastations out of nothing because their lives are so boring that they feel the need to blow things up to the tragedies they wish they had. so then that makes you one of two people; the person they blow up at (also making you their potential villain), or the quiet friend that has to agree with their violent tantrums, all the while knowing you woudnt have cared. indifference. recognizing your friend’s flaw, still loving them regardless.

this sounds funny coming from someone who’s been called bitter a million times these past few weeks. lol.

the truth is, im not bitter. im just enlightened, i guess. i dont want anything. ive come to the realization that some people make better strangers. i dont make the rules, i just play by them.

“you’re all pretension, i never pay attention. nobody broke your heart, you broke your own cause you cant finish what you start.” -elliott smith

-yesenia.

ps. im sorry if this blog may sound like a collection of quotes from starbucks cups. im horrible with words, so i’ll just let other people break it down.